2021

Since the year is drawing to a close, I just wanted to take a moment to thank the people who have stood by my side in my darkest hours; I want to thank you for helping me out when no path seemed like the right one and you were still there walking right beside me. All of the things I learnt or realised this year were influenced by someone or something in my life. So if by the end of this year you and I are no longer in contact, I still want to thank you.

My life is tough and it is not easy and always happy, sometimes a room full of people gives me the creeps but I realised I can’t always carry my baggage around, I have learned to fight it and I am not scared of it anymore. I have had some difficult times in my life but that doesn’t mean I have to stop growing and living life on my own terms.

This year I realised that without some sort of contrast, happiness can’t be appreciated. It takes the bad to understand the good. Every emotion needs the other to help give it context and poignancy. To me, the most important element of emotional control is the truth. Repressing negative memories or pretending sadness doesn’t exist causes damage to some very precious memories. Talking from experience, denial of sadness only leads to a life of fear and anxiety wherein one fails to believe they have the ability to cope with grief, which is damaging to the personality as a whole. We are all better off knowing the emotional polarities of life because it all comes down to what makes us who we are. One can always choose to be happy in the Now, Life is full of uncertainty so If you plan happiness, you might have got it wrong, it may not go as intended. So don’t wait for an event in life to make you happy. Choose and decide for yourself.

Nothing is permanent in life, everyone takes their own time towards acceptance, I am not saying one can totally grow out of that anxious feeling, it may always be with you; but, remember that that incident shaped who you are now; that one incident transformed your life and, in fact, changed you as a person. There will come a day when you will be able to let go of your guilt and hopelessness.

I also realised that some things are better left unsaid. You don’t have to explain yourself to everyone and not everyone will understand or listen to what you have to say. It’s okay to set boundaries and to stand up for yourself. Some people will take you for granted and expect you to say yes all of the time just because you're "nice", but keep in mind that this is not the case. It’s okay to say no, and sometimes even required. It’s okay to walk away from something or someone you feel isn’t good for you. Most importantly It’s okay to ask for help if and when you really need it.

Another very important thing I learned this year is that I need stop making assumptions and decisions for others. “That situation” you imagined in your head, the entire talk about how it was going to go, it won't always go as you imagined it to be, so take a chance and allow people an opportunity to make a decision before considering the next step.

Lastly, We all have our inner demons to contend with. For me, their voices became louder, especially during the lockdown, and living in silence became a little more difficult than usual. These voices have different faces inside us like GUILT, ANGER, FEAR, JEALOUSY, HATRED, and others. We all have these demons, as parts of ourselves that we don’t like to acknowledge but we see lurking inside us. They sometimes have complete control over us and no matter how hard we attempt to ignore our demons, they are always there, dragging us away from happiness. But the question is whether we will ignore it or confront it and come to terms with it.

So decide for yourself, don’t just sit back and let life happen. You are in charge of that steering wheel, it’s for you to decide which turn you want to take next.